How to Be a Girl in the World by Caela Carter

Synopsis:

Lydia hasn’t felt comfortable in her own skin since the boys at her school started commenting on the way she looks in her uniform. Her cousin and friends think she should be flattered, but the boys—and sometimes her mom’s boyfriend, Jeremy—make Lydia uncomfortable and confused. Even more confusing is when Jeremy hovers too close and hugs a little too long.

Then her mom surprises her by buying a dilapidated house in their neighborhood. Lydia hopes to find a little bit of magic in their new home. But just like the adults in her life, and God, and her friends, the magic Lydia deeply believes in eventually loses its power to keep her safe.

And as seventh grade begins, Lydia wonders: Is there a secret to figuring out how to be a girl in the world?

How to Be a Girl in the World moved me through its words effortlessly. What happened in the story Carter wrote was something that never happened to me, but as a female, I somehow could understand her reactions to certain events. The characters’ attitudes to Lydia’s predicament, however, frustrates me to no end, and I keep wondering, what would I do if so little people around me listen when I share my troubles?

How to Be a Girl in the World follows Lydia as she prepares to move into a new house with her mum and cousin, Emma. She likes to wear clothing that covers most of her skin, even during the heat of summer, for it makes her feel safe in an environment she couldn’t feel safe in anymore: her home. Her mother’s boyfriend, Jeremy, makes her uncomfortable with touches and closeness she doesn’t want to share.

Before writing in detail about my views and opinions of this book, I just wanted to say. Writing a review a fortnight after reading the book is just stupid. Not only do I not remember much details, my feelings and opinions as I read the book is at the tip of my fingers…but my lousy memory is also blocking my reach. My friend and I were looking for books that have elements of racial harmony and unity in diversity, and in the process of scouring the library, we stumbled upon this book. She read it first, and told me it made her so angry, I had to read it.

I have to say I share her opinions, but let’s not talk about that yet. Let’s discuss the fact that Lydia lacked the certainty that her body and her skin are hers, and that any touch she is uncomfortable with is unacceptable. Having been in multiple workshops teaching us what constitutes as appropriate and inappropriate touch while schooling here in Singapore, that she could be so uncertain is incredibly sad for me. I always feel that awareness is the key to changing the world one generation at a time, for knowledge is key to understanding. Lydia’s situation shows her lack of understanding and guidance in this area, and it makes it so so frustrating.

While the lack of education and awareness is appalling, what’s worse is the fact that the adults around Lydia is practically condoning all this demeaning acts from children in their charge. The person who I’m most angry with is Sister Janice, who was supposed to be a guidance for children in the school. She should be protecting the children, making sure they are learning in a safe and comfortable environment. Instead of this, however, she told Lydia that “that’s life”, nevermind the fact that females already had it so hard trying to promote equality, she had to lend support and pave the way for chauvinistic males! When she criticized, and subsequently punished, Lydia for searching for alternative ways when she couldn’t receive help from whoever she asked help from, that was the moment I wanted to throw the book down and gulp glasses of water to calm myself down. How can she?! When she was a female herself? When she had admitted to being subjected to the same harassment when she was young!

I feel that even though I’m most angry at Sister Janice, I should be most upset with Lydia’s mother. When Lydia starts wearing long sleeves and pants during summer, it should be a cause for concern, not annoyance. That she waits for Lydia to tell her on her own accord was ridiculous, especially when the main cause was her boyfriend. Of course, I could be incensed just because I’m reading the book from Lydia’s point of view, but I really thought that she should have put Lydia’s mind at ease. Tell her she’s the most important in her life, that she would care for her even if the rest of the world doesn’t. She should have made it clear that Lydia is important enough so she can be confident that her mother wouldn’t side with Jeremy if she ever told the truth. But she redeemed herself when she went all supermom on Sister Janice. Haha!

Again, I really think we should underestimate the intelligence and maturity of children. Her mum’s reluctance to tell Lydia anything about Emma’s father has contributed to her anxiety, and I felt that that was not necessary at all! From what I gleaned from the conversations Emma and Lydia has in the book, I was able to guess Emma’s Dad’s problem. Of course, if Lydia had been educated in these areas, she would be able to discern, or guess, what Emma was going through. Of course, she might still not get the problem at all due to her anxiety clouding her judgement, but there will be a higher chance of her recognizing the different circumstances Emma had described.

My thought throughout the book is how adults have often let children down. Our arrogance and stubbornness have gotten in our way of learning how children think and process information. That a book of spells that consists of art and crafts used for different purposes could be found by an adult as a product of the Devil, while another could see it as an obvious cry for help. We should know how many things can be seen in so many different lights, and that we should look more into reasons of a child’s actions, rather than their surface emotions, to determine if a child needs help or advice.

Lastly, I loved some parts of the ending, but I’m vindictive enough to want Jeremy to have some sort of consequences for his actions. There wasn’t much of a mention other than a break up and that wasn’t enough for me. But of course, this book was a practice in family bonding, listening and voicing out, awareness and education (or so I think), and I suppose it is only fitting if the ending provides a look into a possible future. One where each member of the family gets what they need, and someone to listen to their problems and give good advice.

“You matter. Your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your body matters. You matter just as much as anyone else. To yourself, you can matter the most.”

All in all, the ratings are:

4/5